Thursday, June 10, 2010


I dare say 'NO' to this. Although, it is difficult to get an exact answer for this question, 'NO' is more like it.
Now, let me try to explain this. If the question had been another way round, that is, "can love bring about good sex?" I would have said yes! and not exactly, because both are correct answers to the question. But in answering the above question, 'NO' seems more suitable.
If we say good sex could bring about love, we are inadvertently saying sex can sustain a relationship, which is not practically true. Though my opinion might not be a popular one, but I still strongly feel a relationship that thrives only on good sex is a biased one. I mean, in a situation where all a couple enjoys in their union is good sex, then what happens within the period where they are "off-line?"
Oh! Maybe like my friend, who said she could not wait to be married and enjoy all the sex on this earth (only to get there to discover that there are times even when the man needs a break), you also did not know "off-line" period exists in marriages. She said she never imagines there could be a dull moment in marriage, until reality set in, and she discovered there is far more to love in marriage than love-making.
According to her, good sex is not altogether in the act but in the heart; as it takes more than the physical activity to enjoy it. Little wonder, some ladies have been used and dumped, because while it lasts, they felt a relationship could be sustained by sex and more sex. If at all, the only relationship sex could sustain is that between a man and his wife, because there are different needs for love-making between two people who are married and truly in love. There are times there will be need to make love just for the fun of it; sometimes for bonding or to comfort one another, and at other times, to re-assure one another.
But to think one could procure love or tie down a relationship with sex, I say sorry! Because the other person might actually see those moments spent together as great, but it ends with the act, as there is no(emotional attachment) deep feeling of love, and that is tantamount to abuse.
True love is more of a heart issue than an act. That is why sex is not love. So, if sex were to mean love, men who patronise prostitutes, or those who frequently change girlfriends would have married virtually all the women they have had great sex with. Like I try to explain to some youths, it is very possible to have sex with someone you don't love, maybe for some material gains, or whatever reason. But it is impossible to love someone(marital love), and not want to have sex with the person.
That is why it is said that sex in marriage is love-motivated. It's a kind of sharing, that is, giving of oneself and receiving of the other person freely without any constraint.
To some men, sex is like being hungry, and any kind of food could just be alright for that moment, as long as their hunger is satiated, while to some others, only choice food would do, no matter the extent of hunger. The former is urge-motivated, while the latter is love-motivated. It's also important to note that men are always smart to differentiate between body chemistry and heart issues, but it's a pity some women don't understand this. They feel when a man enjoys good sex with them, it means love, and it would graduate into marriage, sorry!
Any man who would love you would do so for reasons beyond comprehension, and not for the great sex you give him now. Good communication and great companionship bring about love, and a closer bond in relationship, do so with better initiatives and not with sex. Sex cannot sustain a relationship, rather, it will only drag it on, and someday, 'the bubble will burst'. That is when reality takes over romance.

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