Thursday, June 10, 2010


I dare say 'NO' to this. Although, it is difficult to get an exact answer for this question, 'NO' is more like it.
Now, let me try to explain this. If the question had been another way round, that is, "can love bring about good sex?" I would have said yes! and not exactly, because both are correct answers to the question. But in answering the above question, 'NO' seems more suitable.
If we say good sex could bring about love, we are inadvertently saying sex can sustain a relationship, which is not practically true. Though my opinion might not be a popular one, but I still strongly feel a relationship that thrives only on good sex is a biased one. I mean, in a situation where all a couple enjoys in their union is good sex, then what happens within the period where they are "off-line?"
Oh! Maybe like my friend, who said she could not wait to be married and enjoy all the sex on this earth (only to get there to discover that there are times even when the man needs a break), you also did not know "off-line" period exists in marriages. She said she never imagines there could be a dull moment in marriage, until reality set in, and she discovered there is far more to love in marriage than love-making.
According to her, good sex is not altogether in the act but in the heart; as it takes more than the physical activity to enjoy it. Little wonder, some ladies have been used and dumped, because while it lasts, they felt a relationship could be sustained by sex and more sex. If at all, the only relationship sex could sustain is that between a man and his wife, because there are different needs for love-making between two people who are married and truly in love. There are times there will be need to make love just for the fun of it; sometimes for bonding or to comfort one another, and at other times, to re-assure one another.
But to think one could procure love or tie down a relationship with sex, I say sorry! Because the other person might actually see those moments spent together as great, but it ends with the act, as there is no(emotional attachment) deep feeling of love, and that is tantamount to abuse.
True love is more of a heart issue than an act. That is why sex is not love. So, if sex were to mean love, men who patronise prostitutes, or those who frequently change girlfriends would have married virtually all the women they have had great sex with. Like I try to explain to some youths, it is very possible to have sex with someone you don't love, maybe for some material gains, or whatever reason. But it is impossible to love someone(marital love), and not want to have sex with the person.
That is why it is said that sex in marriage is love-motivated. It's a kind of sharing, that is, giving of oneself and receiving of the other person freely without any constraint.
To some men, sex is like being hungry, and any kind of food could just be alright for that moment, as long as their hunger is satiated, while to some others, only choice food would do, no matter the extent of hunger. The former is urge-motivated, while the latter is love-motivated. It's also important to note that men are always smart to differentiate between body chemistry and heart issues, but it's a pity some women don't understand this. They feel when a man enjoys good sex with them, it means love, and it would graduate into marriage, sorry!
Any man who would love you would do so for reasons beyond comprehension, and not for the great sex you give him now. Good communication and great companionship bring about love, and a closer bond in relationship, do so with better initiatives and not with sex. Sex cannot sustain a relationship, rather, it will only drag it on, and someday, 'the bubble will burst'. That is when reality takes over romance.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Honestly, this is not an issue I want to talk about, at least not for now, but believe me, nothing else is worth talking about than something that is destructive to the human mind.

It beats my imagination when I hear people talk about love in the face of severe hostility. Why, for heaven's sake, will someone have to be told that love does not hurt. In other words, if you're in a relationship in which you're not appreciated and you feel hurt, please do yourself a favour by leaving for good.

Love shouldn't be a do-or-die affair.

Do we realise that our successes and achievement in life greatly depend on our emotional state of mind? So, apart from the lovvy dovvy affair, we need the right emotional frame of mind to face life challenges. Whoever you are, or whoever you intend to become in life,depends largely on your emotional strength. A great idea can easily be killed on the ground of emotional weakness. The fact that an idea is great doesn't mean it will get everyone's approval and if you're the type that is emotionally weak, you will probably give up a beautiful or viable idea for something insignificant.

There is something called Positve Mental Attitude (PMA). A positive attitude is necessary for everything that is of good virtue from having a florishing business empire, a blissful relationship, and so on.

It is not how many times one falls that matters but how quick one rises each time one falls.

Reducing life to mere fantasy, won't do anyone any good. The idea of inflicting pain on yourself because it feels good to assume you are part of someone's life is called self-deception and it is counter-productive. If we do the necessary thing by quitting a relationship honourably when we are treated like sewage, most of what result into severe emotional trauma could be avoided. Don't you think so?

Sometimes there could be something that hurts you about your relationship, without getting confrontational, talk to your partner about it. But make sure logic takes preminence in issues and not sentiments or emotions. Mind you, emotion or sentiments will only take away pain for a while but it doesn't heal the cause of the pain.

When you talk to your partner about his/her attitude that breaks your heart, he/she should make amends within a responsible time frame if indeed, he/she loves you and cares about how you feel. But if that is not the case, you don't have any business hanging on in the relationship, waiting for him/her to ask you to move on. For me, I think it is a little bit absurd, if you have to be told that.

I, for one, or other like minds, are not made of steel, our attitude is what differentiates us as individuals. Attitude has a great deal of role to play in our life. There are positive and negative attitudes. Positive attitudes emanates from knowledge and wisdom.

It is unfortunate that in the name of love, we allow our emotions to be toyed with by someone who doesn't know our worth. Yes, if he/she knows your worth, he/she will reciprocate your emotion with love and not inflict pain in place of love.

Friday, June 4, 2010


Life is amazing when you are in love. You feel lightheaded and everyday brings bright hope, filling your soul with rays that intoxicate you and make you do crazy things at times.

Someone once said that true living is learning to live through the eyes of love and this love is that love which is not selfish.

True love is pure and healthy. It is not parasitic and when it comes, the vibes just flow through you and radiate in you that people around cannot help but notice that there is something different about you.

Have you ever truly been in love before? I am sure you know exactly what I mean if you have felt REAL love!

One thing is that everyone is entitled to his or her own share of true love; so, that brings me to the question of people that get heart broken.

Why do people get hurt in relationships? How is it possible that a relationship that was all cozy and wonderful grows sour all of a sudden?

Although I do not have all the answers, one pertinent point to note is that many a times, we rush into relationships for all the wrong reasons and so we rush out as well.

When we learn to be patient, accommodating and realistic, we will see through the scares in people and feel love flow our way.

Before I stuff you with more mushy hopeless romantic talk, let's go over to a story.

Jane shared her experience with me after reading one of my article of a guy who lost the love of his life just because he could not bring himself to say those three magical words: "I Love You".

I met my sweetheart Joey when I was quite young.

We had our houses directly opposite each other, so we kind of grew up together because we were also together when we were not in school.

When I was nine years old and Joey was twelve, we used to play together and throw things at each other.

As we got more matured, we became enemies, sort of, always being at loggerheads because all of a sudden, Joey started to act as a grown-up and matured, always wanting to be the boss. On my part, however, I just wasn't the kind of girl who liked to be bossed around especially when the orders came from Joey, someone I regarded as my age mate.

Several times, we quarreled and our mothers had to intervene and each time they settled a dispute between us, they joked that we were just expressing love in a different way and with time, our open rebuke indeed turned out to be secret love.

When I gained admission into college, I had to leave home to go to boarding school since my house was very far from the school premises.

Being in boarding school meant I saw less of Joey and at first, I felt very sad about it because I missed our arguments and the little funny things we did together.

Whenever I came home for the holidays, Joey and I still spoke but I noticed that we were not as free as we used to be.

On my part, I was conscious of his presence and I became shy especially when I felt his gaze on me.

By the time I was through with college, Joey was already in his second year in the university.

Life went on for me, and all too soon I gained admission into another university and I focused on my studies.

Joey and I kept in touch, our friendship was growing stronger and I admired the man he had become. I saw him as the elder brother I never had and I knew I felt something special for him.

Guys started coming to ask me out and I spoke to Joey about it. He advised me to be very careful and wise in my decisions and said nothing more.

I agreed to date one Biggie guy who seemed nice but he turned out to be a woman beater.

The very first day he raised his hand to hit me, I walked out on him and that was the end of our relationship.

I tried to date several other guys but I just didn't feel anything special for them at all. I told Joey about it and he just nodded and asked me to take my time and concentrate on my studies so that I don't get distracted.

I noticed he did not have a girlfriend, so I asked him what he was waiting for after he graduated from the university and he said he didn't have time to play around with girls.

I asked him if he didn't want to get married someday and he laughed.

He said he was only going to date one girl whom he will eventually get married to.

He sounded so sure of himself and I was forced to ask him whether he has met the girl yet and he just smiled.

I probed him more because I was eager to know who he was going to settle down with but he did not tell me. All he said was that I should wait and see and I said I couldn't wait to see who that lucky girl was and I hoped my man would be as wonderful as he is.

Soon, Joey got a job in a bank and he began to do very well.

He bought me presents occasionally and my heart melted for him more and more each day.

The day I realised what I felt for him was more than sisterly affection was when we had a fight.

I was doing my graduation party and so I invited him but he did not show up.

All through the party, I tried to reach him but his number was switched off. I almost went berserk with worry until I called his mum's phone and she told me he was at work.

He called me later in the evening and I had an outburst. I told him he ruined my party by being absent and he joked about it.

I felt really bad, so I told him he wasn't a good friend and he took offence.

For weeks, we did not speak to each other and I cried my eyes sore.

I realized that I was deeply in love with Joey but I was sad because I felt he did not feel the same way as he never gave me any reason to insinuate that he did.

Our relationship became strained or so I thought as we grew farther and farther apart.

My days became tortured and boring but I told myself I had to snap out of that feeling.

I threw myself into the pursuance of my career, happy to work from morning to night.

I was surprised one day when I got a call from Joey's mum. She said Joey was ill and he requested to see me.

I quickly went to the hospital where he was admitted and I almost cried when I saw my baby, looking so lean on his sick bed. I forgot about our quarrel and ran straight to him, giving him a big hug.

His illnes brought us back together and we became close again but he still did not give me any reason to think he was interested in me, so I continued to torture myself, hiding my feelings from him.

I could not believe my eyes when what I had been dreaming about for so long came true.

Joey and I were just gisting one cool evening when the issue of marriage came up.

He asked me when I planned to get married and I told him as soon as the right guy came along.

He did not say anything for a while and when he finally spoke; his voice was thick with emotion.He said I was definitely going to find the right man and he squeezed my hand.

My heart bled as tears gathered in my eyes because he had no clue I wished he was the one.

I asked him when he planned to get married and he said anytime from now and I was shocked because he never told me he had a girlfriend let alone someone he had decided to settle down with.

I looked away, trying to hide my tears, and just when I was about to ask him who the lucky girl was, he took me in his arms and his lips found mine.

I responded hungrily as my head felt light but all too soon my mind set to work and I broke away from him giving him a confusing look and he smiled.

He hugged me and kissed me again, this time with more confidence and when I asked him what was going on, he said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

"Why did it take you so long?" I asked". "I was scared you didn't feel the same way and I did not know how to ask you so I decided to kiss you, telling myself that if you responded, then you felt the same way",he said, gathering me to himself.

That was how we started going out and our love has grown stronger each day.

So you see, what he couldn't put in words, he said it with a kiss.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Relationships, as I have always buttressed need alot of hard work and labour. When you begin, it is like the birth of a new born baby.
You have to nurture your love, get to know your partner's weakness and help in making him/her, a better person. The whole essence is for you to add value to his or her life as he or she does the same to yours.
Relationships can be categorised into three phases; the first is the chimera phase; that is the stage where both of you are totally unrealistic or impractical about how things are. You are both shielded in the enclave of wild unrealistic ideas that are completely impractical. You are blinded by your attraction of the outward attributes, thereby envisioning a perfect person and living in fantasy land.
The second stage, is the crisis stage ( that is, if both parties are being true to themselves ) and in this stage, the real personalities involved begin to unfold. You get into fights more often, you argue about little things and you get hurt even more often. Some singles even break up and make up a thousand times! It is at this stage you begin to come to terms with who he or she really is. You realise that you are both from different backgrounds, hence you have different perceptions about life's issues. Your idea of fun might be going out every weekend while his might be once in a while. You might hate onions in your food while huge chunks of onions might be her favourite item in her meals. All these little differences you realise cause irrelevant and unnecessary fights between you. You fight about his irritating nail chewing habit while he frowns at your being too conscious about public appearances. You both have differences, so what ? Who doesn't ? At the crisis stage, alot of roller coaster is involved with the heart and the only thing that will keep you together is your will to make it work, garnished with love.
The third phase is the reality stage. It is the point where you have to put it all out on the table. His flaws and your flaws and then you decided if you love her enough to go the extra mile, to accept the full package with all the dents and deformities. You realise that there will always be disputes, perfection is illusive and you can only work with what you see. You understand that, you can never change him in certain areas. Compromises are made and the bond becomes stronger. You learn from each other and it is plain to see where the glow in your eyes comes from. Then it might just be time to take things to the next level; you know, the going down on the knees, and "will you marry me" stunt.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


This has been a common perception of love with the ladies. Girl meets tall,lanky,handsome boy,fall's in love with boy and butterflies begins to ooze out of every opening in her body. Boy walks up to girl and sweeps her off her feet and they live happily ever after. Oh! Please. There is no such thing as happily ever after, butterflies and wobbly knees are only a nibble compared to what true love really is.

It seems like majority of our single ladies are still swimming in the sea of happily ever after.They fail to realise that the moment you step into a relationship,you have taken up a huge responsibility. Relationship is about work! You keep working at it. You love him but he has issues,then you work at it. You don't just walk away because he has complex issues or because he sleeps around or because he snores in bed or because he doesn't spend enough on you or because you just found out that he has a child....And so on and so forth. In the name of love,you hang in there. You fight for love. A lot of girls are looking for the perfect ready made man but that man hasn't been created yet! You fail to realise that every guy has the seed in him(potentials) and your duty as a partner is to nurture that seed to grow into the man you want him to be. Ladies,wake up,stop wasting time dreaming about how to enjoy yourself,going to the movies and having a nice time when you ought to be nurturing his seed. Do you add value to his life? Courtship or dating shouldn't be only about going out and having fun,it should also be about really getting to know yourselves and building each other up. A woman is the crown of her man.That is how the Almighty made it,but you become the thorn of his flesh when you fail to acknowledge the power you have and make use of it. Ladies,you have got a lot work to do in your relationships.


Like addiction,obsession is bad and it kills love.Obsession can easily be confused with love,and that is why at the initial stage,it may seem to you,close friends and even family members that your partner who is obsessed with you is a gift from God to you, but not until he began to show traces of violence towards you(which is the last stage of obsession) or even to himself, that it begin to dawn on you what you've gotten yourself into.

The pathetic thing about obsession is that,everyone you turn to; to confide in thinks you're the one insane,who isn't thankful for what you have. Let me tell you this, there is nothing to rejoice about someone physically or electronically monitoring and even sometimes following you about throughout the course of a day to know your daily activities or whereabout. Some will even drive-by your home or place of work just to confirm that you're at where you say you are. No matter how angelic you maybe,you will always go wrong with an obsessed partner due to his or her extreme anxiety which leads to depression and tension in the relationship.

Obsession gets worse with time. The more time and effort invested in an obsessed based relationship,the more intense the obsession becomes. How? No amount of faithfulness or commitment can sway a person who is obsessed from having unfounded thoughts of infidelity about his or her partner. These is a strong feeling of mistrust, overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thought of a partner walking out on the relationship in favour of another person. Of course,this isn't love but madness, sorry obsession. Obsession certainly is not an option and it's best not to be encouraged from the word go.